More positive? Why would we want that? Are we all pessimists or something?
Well….. no. Not exactly. I do have a lot of experience with many people though, that are definitely more skewed towards noticing the negative things in life more.
There are both positive and negative things in the world. Well, really there aren’t. There are just things. But we can choose to view them either as positive or negative. This might not make sense, but think about it.
You loose your job (fired, redundancy whatever) – and by the way, that’s happened to me a few times. Is it a negative or positive? Well, it depends. Was it making you ill? Did you love it? Is there now room for another opportunity?
You can choose to make it positive or negative depending on how you look at it. Often though, we are conditioned – both from birth and evolutionary – to notice ‘negative’ more easily than ‘positive’. We need to be wary of danger, that foot print out in the savannah that wasn’t ours and looks like a tiger’s. And then at school. We get 7/10 correct on our spelling test but then the focus becomes the 3 red crosses.
Well, is there a way to become more positive?
And why?
Research and interviews seem to indicate that positive people live healthier, happier lives. (e.g. https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/magazine/happiness-stress-heart-disease/ although a google search of your own will find many more examples).
Being positive is one of many character traits looked for in great leaders (e.g. http://www.forbes.com/sites/tanyaprive/2012/12/19/top-10-qualities-that-make-a-great-leader/#4af9508a3564 ).
But let’s be clear. I’m not saying I am trying to get you or anyone else to be all happy-clappy hippies thinking everything is all great when it’s not.
But the fact is that we need a more realistic view of the world. And the reality (at least the one I see) is that there is far more positive things in the world than negative. You might not think that if most of your sensory input each day is the news taken from the Crisis News Network (CNN) as Peter Diamonds likes to call it.
In todays’ world we are brought much closer to news thousands of miles aways. Things that dominate the headlines, but for the most part don’t dominate the reality of the 7 billion people on Earth, and most likely not your reality.
Do bad things happen? Yes. And to good un-deserving people. But if you read or watch the news, the miserable soap operas on TV, the trashy mags, engage is pointless moaning talk with colleagues, then yes. You will only see a majority of negative things in the world. And that will be your reality.
So how to be more balanced and, dare I say it – positive?
Do what almost every high performing leader and successful person I’ve heard or read about interviewed does.
Be grateful.
In practical terms. In ways that re-wire your brain. This is what you might want to consider, and something I’ve been doing since 2011 (and I’m a naturally critical, if not negative person).
Each night, write a list of three things that you are grateful for. Could be that day, or life in general. Big or small. The same each night, or different.
Just keep the list by your bed with a pen. Ideally in a nice notebook just for that use.
It will take 3 minutes. Maybe more at first. Maybe longer on bad days.
But persevere.
As you do this, you will start to look for more positive in your life.
I’ve done this on days when I was dumped (let’s be honest) by the person I thought I loved. On days when I was fired. On days when I lost a contact. On days when I did a talk that no-one turned up to (yes, no-one). On days when I felt I had nothing to be grateful for.
But you know what.
I did. Have something to be grateful for. You always do.
Seek and you shall find….. 3 things to be grateful for each day.
Free libraries. Water coming straight out the tap. Your ability to read and write. The internet. You family. The lessons you learnt from work and being fired. The growth you experienced with that partner.
You can find the gratitude in there. I believe that.
[UPDATE]
I wrote the above text last week (before the results of the EU referendum). I notice a lot of uncertainty, fear and even hostility emanating from people all over social media.
I can understand that to some degree, but we are the masters of our own path. And if you come from a place of gratitude – (e.g. grateful for being able to vote in the first place, even if you didn’t agree with the result), you will find it easier to move forward.
Truth is (in regards to EU Brexit), no-one knows exactly what will happen. Maybe things will be better, maybe perceived worse. Who knows. But if you come from a place of gratitude, everything else becomes easier. It really does.
Please try this out for 30 days. Now, more than ever.
