You may have heard this before. We’re the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. If that’s true — then it means that it’s probably time for some self analysis.
Here’s the reality. It’s nigh on impossible to become more that you currently are, whilst holding on to the same peer group. Especially in the same way. Chances are they are where you are – but not where you want to go.
It would be a wise move to find and associate with people you want to be like. This sounds harsh. “Are you saying ditch your friends?”, I hear you ask.
Not exactly. But re-evaluate who you spend time with, how much and in what capacity.
I’ve seen this in my own life, that as I start to change and grow, my other friends (from old) are also changing and growing – just not in the same way or rate as me. And this can lead to complications. They might pull you up on it too. And pretty soon, you might start self-sabotaging or slowing your own progress down because you don’t want to lose or upset them.
The truth is though that if we are to grow and our current peers don’t want to (at least not in the same way), it’s going to be difficult to remain friends in the same way, at least.
We know this to be true of course when it comes to extremes. The parent who’s child hangs around with the local neighbourhood gang or drug dealers, know it’ll be only a matter of time before a police officer comes around knocking.
But when it comes to something less extreme – Like remaining friends with old school or college friends, or colleagues with whom you have little in common any more, or who don’t have the same drive and ambition as you, or who don’t share the same vision of the future – it become difficult to be able to be true to yourself, as well as them.
If you want to be fit, get around fit people. If you want to be successful, be around successful people. Want to be creative, well, you get the picture.
And as we only have 24hrs in a day, this does mean that something will have to give.
Note, that I’m not saying you should totally ditch your friends of 10, 20 or 30 years. Rather recognise that your relationship might have to change. Maybe how often and how you spend time with them. Maybe the topics of conversation will change. But you need to make room for other people to enter your life.
Of course, if your friends are negative, neigh sayers, don’t support you are mock your dreams…my advice is to cut them out completely.
This is something I’m still learning to do. It can be tough, when you’ve known people a long time. You’ve just got to accept that sometimes life moves people in different directions and as this happens you can still be connected.
The first step is just to look around at the five or so people you spend the most time with. Does being the average of them work for you? If so, great. If not, change something to up that average.
Who you hang around with, is who you become.
